On this Thanksgiving Day 2009, I am thankful for the wonderful family that I share my life with. I am thankful for the happy, healthy, silly bear that we call Lily. I am thanful for Jason and my renewed commitment to our marriage. And I am thankful for you, my amazing friends that laugh when I fall but always offer a hand up! Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Love, Val
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Back in the Saddle Again
It has been a long while since I've updated this blog. We've had an eventful four months and some events were to painful to write about when they happened. Time to reflect and some therapy has given me the distance to write about these important life events.
Like many marriages, Jason and I were having some trouble. The biggest problem was both of our determination to act like nothing was wrong. First we stopped talking about the important stuff and then we stopped talking at all. Well, we argued and we fought. And to top it off, I was so depressed and trying so hard to hide it that I was unrecognizable as the woman he married. Things came to a head (as they so often do) and he said that dreaded word - "divorce". That was the most painful conversation we've ever had. Good did come out of it, though it was hard to see at first. We began seeing a therapist together and began talking again. We stopped taking every comment as an attack and began to see how much we do love each other and how much it hurts us both to see the other struggling emotionally but trying to hide it. It became apparent after several sessions that I needed some one on one counseling more than we needed couple's therapy. And that is where we are now, I am working on my aversion to showing emotion and finally learning that it is alright to just be human. We are better, more communicative and above all else, absolutely committed to our marriage and family.
On an even more upbeat note- our beloved Lily is now a three year old. This is a fun topic for those who have survived a three year old and a cautionary tale for those who haven't experienced the special joy that this age brings. Did I say joy? I meant crazy! We didn't come into this new stage with our eyes closed, a close friend's daughter is a year older than Lily and warned us. Of course our thought was "No way, Lily is so perfect! She'll never do that......". Hmphrh. She is loud, defiant, loud, imaginative, busy, and doesn't want to sleep - ever! I have to admit, I am proud of some of her saucy comebacks when she gets in trouble!"No Mommy, you in big trouble. You go time out. Three minutes. Time out now!" She is no longer a baby and that thought makes me tear up a little. She's a big girl now. She talks in sentences and grasps concepts that are new and exciting for her. She cracks up at her own jokes and likes to feed and dress her "babies". Because I'm her mommy and Auntie Katy (owner of Regarding Peanut, ) is our friend, Lily also likes to wear her babies. She'll put them in her Pikkolo carrier or steal fabric from my stash and wrap her baby, mummy like, and prance around the house. Lily likes to pretend to shop at Target while wearing her baby too. Definitely my daughter!
Like many marriages, Jason and I were having some trouble. The biggest problem was both of our determination to act like nothing was wrong. First we stopped talking about the important stuff and then we stopped talking at all. Well, we argued and we fought. And to top it off, I was so depressed and trying so hard to hide it that I was unrecognizable as the woman he married. Things came to a head (as they so often do) and he said that dreaded word - "divorce". That was the most painful conversation we've ever had. Good did come out of it, though it was hard to see at first. We began seeing a therapist together and began talking again. We stopped taking every comment as an attack and began to see how much we do love each other and how much it hurts us both to see the other struggling emotionally but trying to hide it. It became apparent after several sessions that I needed some one on one counseling more than we needed couple's therapy. And that is where we are now, I am working on my aversion to showing emotion and finally learning that it is alright to just be human. We are better, more communicative and above all else, absolutely committed to our marriage and family.
On an even more upbeat note- our beloved Lily is now a three year old. This is a fun topic for those who have survived a three year old and a cautionary tale for those who haven't experienced the special joy that this age brings. Did I say joy? I meant crazy! We didn't come into this new stage with our eyes closed, a close friend's daughter is a year older than Lily and warned us. Of course our thought was "No way, Lily is so perfect! She'll never do that......". Hmphrh. She is loud, defiant, loud, imaginative, busy, and doesn't want to sleep - ever! I have to admit, I am proud of some of her saucy comebacks when she gets in trouble!"No Mommy, you in big trouble. You go time out. Three minutes. Time out now!" She is no longer a baby and that thought makes me tear up a little. She's a big girl now. She talks in sentences and grasps concepts that are new and exciting for her. She cracks up at her own jokes and likes to feed and dress her "babies". Because I'm her mommy and Auntie Katy (owner of Regarding Peanut, ) is our friend, Lily also likes to wear her babies. She'll put them in her Pikkolo carrier or steal fabric from my stash and wrap her baby, mummy like, and prance around the house. Lily likes to pretend to shop at Target while wearing her baby too. Definitely my daughter!
Thanksgiving is right around the corner and this year I am thankful for my wonderful family and the trails we have faced. Without them I would never know just how much I love and am loved in return.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Val Payne
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